Together we distance. Together, we live in heavy times, my friend, and we have for some time. Perhaps for as long as we've existed.
We are in it... going through it... and not one of us has ever been immune to that.
Finding words for myself has been difficult. I stand, 6 feet apart from the next person, in a line of those who belong to the passive, struggling norm.
As of late, art does not come easy. Creativity idles in neurons, stuck, while my body putters along. I burn hours, tiktok-tiktok, and I bury myself under the ashes of the good times of others. It's my brand of grave escapism.
I do this so that no one can see. I do this so that I don't have to look at myself. And I realize that I have been retreating and avoiding maybe even a little before Covid-19.
Of course, I acknowledge the importance of laughter. Laughter is a healthy spin of clock hands, and one should not diminish those returns.
One might think that this would be my time to shine. Finally, folks are adhering to and practicing hygiene in a way that I always wished they would. OCD is an ever-present internal, whole body pandemic in the streets and sheets. It does not know when to stop. Unwavering is it's second middle name.
But I did not wish for THIS.
I miss people. I wonder how people are doing, often, and I want to ask them IN PERSON.
My brain was designed for social interaction. Isolation does not work well for me. It can be debilitating.
AND - I have so much anger. And it comes from my own failure to understand hate. It is one of the reasons why social networking doesn't work for me. I don't understand living in a world where our leaders are able to manipulate some folks into thinking that some people do not deserve to be respected and treated like human beings.
I am not handling the fear well or the perpetuation of it. I am not handling the sadness at all... the worry, the loss... the cumulative pain. And it doesn't help that I'm not alone. I would rather be alone.
Lean on. Speak your truth. Write, create ... even if it doesn't make sense. Sleep. Do whatever the fuck you need to do. Feel your feelings and engage in self-care. Take care of yourself. We all deserve to be taken care of.
That's it. That's all I have for now.
I'm going to engage in that self-care. I'm going to start going for walks again.
Feel free to hold me to that.
I am going to distance myself from those WH propaganda briefings. I'm going to continue placing my faith in science. I'm going to try to connect with folks when I can. I will definitely be consuming loads of music. Records, Spotify, live streams - ALL OF IT. Hell, maybe I'll pick up a guitar myself.
And tomorrow -
I am going to go see a lady about a puppy.
Peace be with you all. Take good care!